Question: I had a love marriage and everything was going fine after marriage. However, after 2 years of marriage, my spouse started to have lots of complaints about my parents. I tried to convince her that these things do happen and we should ignore few things but she did not budge. I kept ignoring things but every few days she would pick up fight with me. I love her a lot and that’s why ignored everything. By the way, my parents do not live with me, they meet us in once a year for a few days. But about two years back, I started doubting her fidelity, I caught her indulging in intimate chats with both men and women and she would delete the messages or hide them from me. Later, one day her cousin sister came to our place for holidays. In those few days, my doubt about her got stronger and to confirm my doubts I cross checked her WhatsApp messages and there, I found that she was having a physical relationship with her cousin sister. I was completely heartbroken. When I confronted her, she started to apologize, and started to justify herself by saying it happened in the heat of the moment. But later on, I came to know that she was having such relationships before marriage too and I really have no clue about how many people she’s had a physical relationship after marriage. Still for the sake of our child, I tried to forget this, but I seldom get any physical intimacy from her side. We have sex probably once in three months. I am really fed up of this relationship and I still doubt her fidelity.
Please suggest what should I do. I am just carrying on this relationship now for the sake of our child. But probably this way I am not doing justice to myself. – By Anonymous
Answer by Dr Samir Parikh: Difficulties in marriage can be emotionally draining and can put a lot of stress and strain on the life of individuals. Marriage also is about two partners coming together, and making changes in themselves for each other as they grow to adapt to each other’s needs, feelings and develop an understanding. When the relationship is not going smooth and distance is felt by either person, in my opinion it would help to talk it out with a professional. It is important to share your feelings with the partner, including moments when you feel bad or feel wronged and disappointed, so that there can be a mutual understanding, the right approach for you would be to go as a couple to an expert for couple counseling.
– Dr Samir Parikh is Director of Department of Mental Health and Behavioural Sciences at Fortis Healthcare