Enough lucky: Can hate help you find love?

The idea that opposites attract — has often been thrown into the ring as a justification for two people with opposite personalities being attracted to each other. However, Hater, a new dating app extends that premise to take things a step further, aiming to help you find a match based on your mutual hatred. The recently launched app offers you 3,000 topics to weigh in on — butt selfies, build the wall on the US/Mexican border, slow walkers and tipping less than 15 per cent — are just a few examples. You simply swipe down to hate, up to love, left to dislike or right to like.

How it works?
Hater matches you with people based on your mutual distastes and other factors like location. So, finding a conversation-starter is not really that hard. However, in case one does need a little help, there’s also a built-in icebreaker game that poses a question and has you both fill in the blank. It was created by Brendan Alper, who left his job at Goldman Sachs to become a comedian and first had the idea as a joke. But on finding that social science studies backed his intuition, made him take it more seriously, and encouraged him to actually launch Hater. But can it really work? We spoke to three performers for their take on it, and here’s what they had to say.

Virtual culture in real life
Nirmika Singh, singer-songwriter and executive editor, Rolling Stone India, says, “A lot of times people do end up talking more about the things they hate rather than love. So, this app rules out any pretence. My only misgiving is while you may connect on things you hate, a succesful relationship is based on things you love and enjoy. Vehemently hating on things and expressing it has so far been prevalent on social media. With this app you are bringing that virtual culture into a real- life setting.”

‘Tinder for hate hipsters’
Stand-up comedian Sorabh Pant believes it’s a negative approach to love. He says, “It makes me wonder if hate is a stronger emotion than love. Just picture future love stories and narrations of How I Met Your Mother/Father — We mutually hated something and that’s how we fell in love. It’s Tinder for hate hipsters and I find it absurd.”

No love for dating apps!
While Nirmika and Sorabh seem divided about the chances of this app actually helping people find love, singer Neeti Mohan is dismissive. She says, “I don’t really endorse dating apps. I personally feel love and technology don’t go hand-in-hand when it comes to romance. Having said that, to each their own, but I would never use a dating app to find love.” And it’s not just them, even mental health experts do not see it working in the long run.

Expertspeak
Psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria, says, “People are coming up with new ideas to find people with similar attributes. A lot of people match your likes, here they are matching you according to dislikes. I guess it’s just another app to help people connect.” While psychiatrist Dr Hemant Mittal, admits the concept is interesting, he goes on to clarify that, “Human psychology has clearly shown that people tend to form bonds based on the same things they hate. These bonds can be very strong, as the emotion of hate is very strong. Be it the current American President or some politicians in India, people from various cultures, creeds and religions have stood together against those they commonly hate. Hate being a very strong emotion, tends to give us a common ground for friendship, but when it comes to dating the following points might come handy:

  1. It’s a good icebreaker. A common point to start talking.
  2. Hate cannot be the only parameter to define personality. For example, a pessimistic personality might have same “hate” choices as someone who is by nature optimistic but going through a rough patch. A pessimist will certainly not get along with an optimist over a long period.
  3. Starting a conversation based on negativity, can lead to increased negativity and anger in one’s conversation.
  4. A person might have certain expectations. Though the initial topics might be a great icebreaker, will the further topics be of the same wavelength has to be seen.
  5. Since the likes have not been discussed, just focusing on hatred can become boring after sometime.
  6. Emotional gratification through hatred is good, but not in the long term.
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